Blind as a Bat!!!

Love, is a real Bitch!!!!! It can be the greatest thing ever but not always. When I got back home, with the help of some very good friends from work, I felt much better!! I needed the help of my friends to get my lady friend moved since she had no help or money to move herself! By this time my rehab had got me walking a little and I could get around my trailer. Having L. at my home in my bed was very soothing for me, but apparently not where she wanted to be. For a short period of time she had no job and took care of me 24/7, which I needed, but after awhile she started looking for work. I wanted her to not go to work but one can't kidnap another human without serious consequences.

So, I had to suffer through her search, trying to encourage her, while praying she would not find a job. Very hard to do! At the time I thought L. had finally realized her guy from S.M. was wrong for her, but it turned out I was wrong! My first indication was the job she wound up taking!!! It was in S.M. where he lived!!! I was concerned about this at the time, but what could I do??? I had little ability to fight back fairly and you can't forcefully change someone's mind about LOVE!
This job she found had really strange hours and it was 50 miles from my home. This meant 100 miles a day travel for her in a old dead truck. So I always worried about her till she walked in the door.

Some days she was really upset when she got home, I believe he was really putting the pressure on her because she was living with me!! Its all speculation on my part but I believe she was sleeping with him, as well as me, and he didn't believe she was faithful to him!!! If this is true I can only say he didn't deserve her and he was too old for her!!! But the age thing came back to bite me in the end with another jerk!!



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Moving Back Home!!!!!

I was at my friends home for a couple of months, maybe longer, I just can't remember for sure. But about the time I was ready to get back home, but knew I could not move back by myself, my lady friend lost her job. She worked for the prison system and broke some rule of theirs. She told me one story, another to my friend Peggy, so I have no idea what the actual truth is or was. But now she needed a place to live and I needed someone to help me so I could go home. So it was convenient for both of us. But it soon became a frustrating episode for me as she was still seeing a guy that was pushing her buttons with his jealousy. Trying to run her life to his advantage and me trying to convince her she did not need to live that way! Back and forth, day after day, over and over. At times I thought I would go nuts! But I was never overbearing, just firm, as was her children, that this guy was not for her. The one thing I should have recognized was the fact he was around 10 years older than her, and this trend eventally was my downfall.

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Depression and Expectation!!!!!

After spending several months in the hospital and in rehab, my good friends Terry & Peggy took me to their home to begin my recovery. The really nice part of this was my lady friend lived across the court yard from them and made me feel very comfortable knowing she was there too. At this time I was still doing rehab twice a week, still in a wheelchair most of the time, unable to walk. Things were OK at the time, but looking back with that 20-20 vision I have now, they were not the way I wanted them to be. The obvious part is the disability of the stroke, but the not so obvious was my mind not seeing or not wanting to see the SIGNS that my lady friend really didn't feel the way about me I thought she did. Its amazing how ones need to cling to HOPE, can cause you to overlook the obvious signs of the real feelings of someone you love for obvious reasons. This became hard at times and my mind just kept making excuses, with some good reasons at times, for these BIG SIGNS that I should have recognized.

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Waiting for the END!!!!!

Well, I have procrastanated on my blog duties, but what the Hell!!!!! Its not a requirement and things have not gone well this past year. The BIG problem for me was a Mini Stroke in April while I was in Dallas to attend the NASCAR race there. I refused to go to the hospital and I am OK, still able to take care of myself. But the Mini was a BIG setback. You try to put a percentage on it but that is really impossible. Needless to say, no one, except those who go through it, have any idea of what I speak. The physical part would be bad enough, but its all of that plus the emotions, topped by the depression. Things get better but one must really be careful. I fell 8,9 maybe 10 times the first 3 or 4 weeks just trying to do normal things. The trouble there is you fall and hurt yourself with no one to help you, if you need it. Fortunately I am still OK, not great but still here Fighting!!!!

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